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Excerpt: Chapter 4 - Master the Art of Reading People


Here are some very basic character types. Of course no one is going to fit perfectly into just one of these categories, but these may help you recognize certain traits and/or tendencies in men and in yourself. They may also help develop insights into the underlying currents that manifest in attraction, i.e why certain types fit like a glove with other types.

Mr. Instant Coffee: Many brands to choose from. He's looking for instant gratification, and doesn't take long to percolate. Indiscriminately in pursuit of the "quick fix" he can be skillfully charming and spontaneous. Exciting, impulsive, irresponsible and even immoral, his steeping hot come-on quickly becomes iced. Highly volatile when confronted, he rationalizes his behavior by blaming others. One taste and you know it's not the real thing. If he turns out to be a drip-freeze, dry him!

Renaissance Man: He's self-assured, focused, disciplined, responsible yet knows how to let loose and have fun. His intellectual and career interests are balanced with cultural and physical activities. Comfortable in jeans or a tux, this action man throws himself into his pursuits and is willing to fail. In touch with and expressive of his emotions he exudes compassion and warmth as he crosses social and ethnic boundaries. Gathering eclectic and diverse admirers, the Renaissance Man knows what qualities he's looking for in a woman and is unlikely to be swayed.

The Fisherman: With patience he delivers the latest lines, lures and tackles. When he's not looking over his shoulder for a bigger catch he's throwing the lines. Never happy or thankful with what he's got, he's constantly seeking an upgrade. It's all about short term sport…Once you take the bait, you've lost the fight. And once caught you become the proverbial fisherman's tale -- bigger than reality, or the one that got away. Either way, chances are you won't be a keeper.

Mr. Crusader: He's nurturing, empathetic and big hearted. Making a difference is more important than making money. Passionate in conversation, taking action in bed. Fearless in his pursuit to save the world and solve everyone's problems except his own. Can give but has a hard time accepting criticism. Needs to be needed and is always there for his friends. After he fights Goliath he may not have much energy left-unless of course you're one if his projects. Be prepared to share him with the rest of the world.

The Chameleon: His personality is constantly changing to adapt to new situations. He blends into the crowd and shies away from the limelight. He attaches a high level of importance to being accepted; eager to please, tends to avoid conflict. Open-minded, flexible, accommodating, likable, will rarely say no or communicate any negative feelings. The chameleon lives for the moment, without large aspirations for the future.

The Boy Scout: Always solving everyone else's problems, scouts do more than their share. Empathetic, loyal, dependable, protective, thoughtful, optimistic and unlikely to take sides in a conflict, he gives much more than he gets. It makes him feel good to make a difference. He obeys society's rules and saves his money wisely. A scout has an innate feeling of responsibility to help others and feels guilty when he takes -- thus, his own needs often go unrecognized.

Bond-James Bond: This man likes his martini and his life shaken not stirred. Not easily led, he makes his own path. He's powerful, secretive, strong, confident, opinionated, rebellious, expressive and proud of his individuality. Undercover (or under the covers) he's seductive, mysterious, assertive, and irresistible. Not afraid to speak his mind, and enjoys playing devil's advocate. He's got all the latest gadgets and works best alone. Governed by a strong code of ethics, he'll quickly and wisely assess all the facts and swiftly execute his decision. Add olives, only serves one.

The "Whine" Steward: Focused on accumulating and obsessing over his own misfortunes, he'll never turn down a good whine. Grumpy, opinionated, closed minded, bored, unhappy, self-absorbed and always complaining. Tends to be judgmental and critical. He will undermine the dreams and accomplishments of others. Usually fussy, never satisfied, angry at the world and pulling everyone down with him. Always expecting failure, and won't contribute to anyone's goals, including his own. Jealous of others' successes, the "whine" steward discourages hope, gloats over others' misfortune. He needs a few more years to mature.

Mr. Wonderbread: Solid, basic, dependable, practical, mainstream, he has good values and a stable family. Mr. Nice Guy. A good friend. His life revolves around habits and rituals. Works nine to six. Not very experimental or overly ambitious. Doesn't want to rock the boat. Not comfortable with extremes. Try adding some mustard and relish to spice things up.

The Klingon: This man learned at a young age that by being and staying a victim he could find others to be financially and emotionally responsible for him. It worked well to remain helpless. Dependent and clingy, with few goals of his own, he seeks constant attention and is never satisfied. Selfish and self-centered, he believes that society owes him. Unconcerned with the burdens he places on others, the Klingon looks for the easy way out by finding someone to take care of him. He needs to realize there's life on other planets.

The Ferrari: Quick, flashy, ambitious and successful, there's no stopping him as he speeds aggressively towards his destination. Moving at high velocity his view of the world is distorted. Oblivious of his immediate environment, the Ferrari rarely stands still long enough to recognize how he affects those around him. A high energy, high maintenance gas guzzler. His ego is almost as big as his airbags. King of the road, his friendships and personal life often take a back seat. (My way or the highway). Put the brakes on and get him out of the car. (PS Watch out for the speed bumps.)

The Energizer Bunny: Methodically marches forth fearlessly towards his goals. Finds bountiful energy to succeed in every area of life, personal and professional. Always on battery overdrive, it's hard to slow down and enjoy success. Often the offspring of critical parents. This power driven bunny never feels he's accomplished enough. Thriving on stress and reaching their many goals their accomplishments are often more important than internal tranquility. He keeps going and going and going …

The Rooster: Cocky in appearance, flexing, constantly crowing about his sexual conquests, real or imagined. Still living in his high school or college football days, he may never have made the team but swaggers around pretending he did. Likes to pick fights in bars. Always has to be in control. Overly self-assertive. Buys into traditional male/female roles and believes that this is a power struggle he must win. He believes himself to be a ladies man but is really a chicken when it comes to getting in touch with his emotions. He may have grown up in a male dominated family without enough influence from the henhouse.

The Bell Hop: The wary and cautious Bell Hop carries a lot of baggage. Not a good judge of character, he may have been hurt or taken advantage of by others and reacts to newcomers with anger and suspicion. Withdrawing to protect himself, he puts up boundaries and limits his exposure to new people. Tired and hurt, cynical and withdrawn. His great desire and capacity to love is imprisoned by his fears. Vulnerable, needy and overly sensitive. He's slow to trust and make close friends and is quick to bail out of love relationships rather than be hurt again.

The Free Spirit: Drifting, flexible, uninhibited, happy. He does not adhere to society's opinions or measure of success. Following his heart and inner voice rather than his ego he is led to a career and hobbies that are aligned with his spirit and fulfillment. Strongly centered, he relishes life, and his relationships. He's open-minded, accepting and loving of others. Happy alone or in a crowd. Committed to family, friends, and loved ones, free spirits want everyone to communicate with love. They embrace all that life has to offer.

Top Gun: Strong, outspoken, opinionated, intense, impulsive, the top gun has a superiority complex. He feeds on autonomous control (no room for a co-pilot). Will do just about anything to get the upper hand and keep it, although his tactics may be well disguised. This high flyer needs an altitude adjustment. Exciting and powerful, he can be incredibly attractive for a while, but put your tray tables up, you could be in for some turbulence.

The French Poodle: His identity revolves around his pedigree. Nice to those in his circle but indifferent to everyone else. He's stubbornly self-righteous, inflexible, aloof, unlikely to see others point of view. The French poodle usually lives in a very small and narrow world by cutting off large portions of society. Holding himself above others so he'll feel better about himself, this man has an unmistakable sense of entitlement. Snobby, primped, fussy and deeply insecure. He identifies himself through the groups he dislikes. Keep him on a short leash and have your pooper scooper ready.

The Chess Player: Always scheming and planning, the chess player will achieve his goals at any cost. He's afraid he'll never have enough or that what he has will be taken away. May never have gotten enough as a child, hence feels entitled. Would steal someone else's Queen and racks up many rooks in his path. He is manipulative, aggressive, inflexible and suspicious of others motives. Check, no mate.

Mr. Hollywood: This attention hog always has some kind of Oscar winning performance with which to entertain, but is quickly bored when the focus is not on them. Exciting and magnetic, he's full of energy. Mr. Hollywood is known for his generosity and mood swings. Motivated by a deep longing to be loved and accepted, he'll go to extraordinary lengths to feel fulfilled and at the center of attention. A shrewd manipulator, this womanizer talks prematurely of love to gain approval/acceptance. At times can be emotionally childish, deliberately controversial, and obnoxious.

I encourage you to notice other personality types based on your own experiences. Take an inventory of the guys you've known. See if you can figure out which types or combinations you have been attracted to and why. What values were important to you? What drew you in on a deep level, and which repelled you or did not sit well with you. If you take the time to review your past attractions your insight will improve immensely.

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